For The Bible Tells Me So

We are on day five of watching our son fade and my whole body feels at war with itself.

My physical body is tired of the fight and wants things to come to a conclusion so it can find peace again. It cannot sleep or eat or rest properly.

My mother’s heart looks at our war-weary boy and wants to release him to a much better place where he doesn’t have to do this anymore. This is the part of me that climbs into bed with him and regularly whispers to him about heaven, about how wonderful it is and how it’s okay to go there, because for him it will be like a twinkling of an eye and we will all be together again. It’s the part that asks God to take him sooner rather than later, even though it’s the last thing I want to say.

But there is a part of me that will not let go. I thought it was the selfish part of me that wanted to keep him for longer, but I have realized it is not that. It is the part of me, my spirit, that has walked with God for many years, and has yearned for Him and learned from Him. It’s the part that is fed not by sight or by feelings but by His Word. This part of me knows God, and knows His promises and will not lie dormant. No matter how much I know we do not deserve a miracle, my spirit tells me that God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or even imagine. It tells me that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective, and there are THOUSANDS of people who have been made righteous by Christ who are praying for our boy right now. It tells me that God hears the cries of the righteous and that His arm is not too short to save. It tells me that God’s hand rescues people right ought of the lowest pit, right from the grave. It tells me God is able to part the seas, flood the earth, move mountains and heal people from terminal diseases with just one touch of His garment. It tells me that Jesus saw sick people and had compassion on them and His heart was stirred to heal them. It tells me that the Holy Spirit inside of us gives us power to cast out demons and heal sick people. It tells me that by Jesus’ wounds, we are healed.

Whether I’m reading His Word to my boy or myself, or sleeping holding it to my chest at night, or even nowhere near it, these promises are pulsing through every fibre of my being.

So how can I stop fighting and let go of hope when all my spirit knows is the God of All Hope?


  1. O Esther, with tears and sadness at the pain your all in,i send my love, BUT with that Glorious HOPE we have in Christ Jesus we will never stop fighting this battle (that God has already won anyway). Joy P.xx

  2. Esther - thank you for continuing to share what you are going through. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no-one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." I'm praying that you, Richard and Scooby will all know God's strengthening at this time.

  3. Esther, My soul connects with yours though I have never met you or quite understand the pain, but I am a mum and I have seen a mountain move because of the power in the resurrection and because I told it to. There are no words that ease the pain but I am standing with you crying out to the God of All Hope to show us what He can do and desperately asking Him to bring His kingdom to earth that you may see a miracle. xxx

  4. Praying so hard for you and your family. Thank you for taking the time to update us. As one mum to another, I want to hold you & your boy and tell you it will all be ok. As one Christian mum to another, I am praying to that amazing Father of ours that He will hear every heartfelt prayer flung up to Him from desperate hearts and bring Scooby back to health and home to his loving family.

    With so much love & prayers xx

  5. Praying for you. Your passion for God and your little boy is so challenging and encouraging. You write with such honesty and grace. Thankyou.
    Polly Shepherd

  6. Oh Esther... continue to do what feels right even if you are unsure. Let go of everything and let God. He is guiding you through all of this. We will continue to pray. We love you and send hugs and prayers. xx Dominique

  7. Esther, we want to stand with you, add our faith to yours and thousands of others across the earth. Yes He is ablt to do immeasurably more, and when it all seems to have gone too far, He even said that we would raise the dead! Based on the principle that the extent of the enemy's attack is often an indication of the enormity of what God has planned to do, you guys are in for mega, enormous, immeasurable blessing in the future! God will not be mocked and neither will you! The earth will wear out like a garment, but His WORD endures forever! love Elizabeth (Belshaw) xxxxxxx

  8. Honey you are human and in that you are facing emotions that are hard to comprehend. Stay strong honey and know that God is with you always. You are a mom and you pray with hope and I pray alongside you x

  9. My heart aches for you and your family. I was told about your blog by a friend and I am so inspired and challenged by your faith in such difficult circumstances. I know this won't be a comfort at this time but I had to tell you. I am praying for Scooby and for your family xx

  10. No idea what to say Esther, other that I'm thinking, praying, crying, asking. You are more than incredible and I'm praying that peace that passes all understanding over your lives right now

  11. Esther, I don't know you, except through your blog, which was shared with me by my friend Susanna Shotter. I have been reading and not commenting, but praying, and have posted your story on a Facebook page of people who pray and share a very similar perspective. As a mum, I am amazed at your ability to express your thoughts so coherently and beautifully at such a time. As a Christian, I will stand in prayer with you and Scooby and your whole family. Sometimes I pray in the middle of the night, when my own six year old wakes me up. Our God is a Great Big God, as the children's song goes. Big enough to hold you, to connect you with those praying all over the world. With all my heart, and with belief, that you will "see the goodness of God in the land of the living". Susan

  12. As with many of the people above, I don't know you but have heard your story through others, and my heart aches for you also. I find prayer a difficult thing, but have offered up, and will continue to offer up prayers for you, as it is all I feel I can do. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that so many of us are thinking of you. Emma

  13. Esther, You're amazing and I am often lost for words when I and we at IMPACT and MCC pray for you - you are a testimony to us all and as a mother I can feel the tension you are going through from letting go to holding on!! God's spirit is leading you and He is in touch with your feelings and heart, do not give HOPE to the very end. We continue to pray for a miracle in that tension of holding on and letting go, but we also pray for you that God will uphold you in this chapter of your life that will have an eternal effect on so many people. May you continue to experience God's love, peace, strength, power and guidance on an hourly basis much love Tracy and all at MCC/IMPACT

  14. We continue to stand with you. Praying throughout the day, at work, in the night when we wake, asking others to do so as well, posting your messages on my facebook page and sensing that there are unsaved family and friends following your blog. Wishing there was more we could do, more we could say. But we pray and stand with others and with you asking for healing, thanking God for Daniel and the many lives he continues to touch. Bless you Esther xx

  15. My heart aches for you and my soul cries out for you. You are an amzing family and an amazing woman and you are always in my prayers and thoughts, all my love to you from one stranger to another. x

  16. Underneath are the Everlasting Arms holding both your precious son and you and the rest of the family.Praying for you all

  17. jane dale-beaumont5:37 pm, May 18, 2012

    Stay strong in your belief Esther, miracles can happen, much love to Daniel and your family, the power is overwhelming, x

  18. Still praying. Keep on singing God's praises & giving Him the glory. This has even brought folk back from the dead there is so much power in 'the praises of the people' I feel so deeply for you. Thank you for sharing. Your blog will have enabled God to do new works in other peoples lives. Thank you for being so selfless through all this.

  19. Esther, We are praying for you and your family during these hard times. Just remember that the Lord our God is holding you and your family safely in his arms. May the Lord our God and Saviour guide you thrigh these difficult times. Caroline

    1. The anguished fear of empty arms
      Is stilled when I remember that
      As my arms empty on this earth
      My Masters arms are filled
      And as I grieve and as I wait
      For wrenched goodbyes that tear my heart
      My Master waits to welcome home
      My / His beloved child.
      This gift, bestowed for just a time
      Will always be a treasure shared
      And as I hand this gift to Love
      I know it will return
      When Master calls me home.

  20. Dear Esther and Richard....We pray that the Lord will hold you tight in His loving arms and carry you through this time of hurt, yearning, trusting, letting go, moments of peace, moments of turmoil. Such a mix of emotions that you describe, and yet through it all He will never let you go and He will support you all of your days. You are both an inspiration and we send you all our love and all our prayers. God bless you both and Scooby too.
    Love Gill & Sean

  21. Esther and Richard, I pray that you feel the loving arms of our Lord wrapped around you at this time I pray so hard that your boy will be saved. Oh what a miracle that would be!! And we know that our Lord does perform such miracles. God bless you all xx

  22. Dont stop fighting esther xxxx love hm xxx

  23. I believe you, when you say your my rock.
    I believe you, when you say your my strength.
    And I will worship you my Lord, for you alone know my heart.
    Still my raging storm Lord,
    Calm the seas around me,
    I will be still, and know you're God.
    My confident salvation, my hope, my everlasting, I will be still and know you're God.
    I believe you, I believe your faithful.
    I believe you, I believe your unfailing love.

  24. In Christ alone my hope is found,
    He is my light, my strength, my song;
    this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
    firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
    What heights of love, what depths of peace,
    when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
    My Comforter, my All in All,
    here in the love of Christ I stand.

    In Christ alone! who took on flesh
    Fulness of God in helpless babe!
    This gift of love and righteousness
    Scorned by the ones he came to save:
    Till on that cross as Jesus died,
    The wrath of God was satisfied -
    For every sin on Him was laid;
    Here in the death of Christ I live.

    There in the ground His body lay
    Light of the world by darkness slain:
    Then bursting forth in glorious Day
    Up from the grave he rose again!
    And as He stands in victory
    Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
    For I am His and He is mine -
    Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

    No guilt in life, no fear in death,
    This is the power of Christ in me;
    From life's first cry to final breath.
    Jesus commands my destiny.
    No power of hell, no scheme of man,
    Can ever pluck me from His hand;
    Till He returns or calls me home,
    Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

  25. So honoured to know you, and to be praying for you.

  26. My thoughts and prayers are with you x

  27. Esther u r amazing! Ur strength as a woman, as a mother and as a faithful servant to God. Keep going, keep praying and holding on! I know of u and ur family but not personally through ffmc and have been reading ur blog since I was told of ur little boys illness. I have been amazed at ur honesty and have cried at ur pain and humbled by your faith. U really r a shining example. I pray for u and Daniel and the rest of ur family. Keep looking heavenward. X

  28. I love you E* I have for many years now, you have always inspired me, from the moment I met you in 2004 on a field in North Wales with your precious family of boys back then, what a journey its been since then, my thoughts are with you every hour, you are so brave, my heart is with you. xxx

  29. i cry for you. i ask God to give you your miracle. but maybe the miracle is in giving your son back to God and holding fast to your faith. these children that we love so dearly are on loan to us. they belong to God and our job is to love and care for them in God's way until he asks for them back. it's such a big thing to be asked to do. treasure every moment you have and keep praying for that miracle. God Bless you xxxx

  30. My deepest sympathies.
    May Daniel rest in peace.


Post a comment

Popular Posts