2 Cor 12v9

Saturday, 22 June 2013

The Swirling Vortex of Terror

A long time ago, before the idea of having a blog even existed in my head, I wrote a few stories down about disastrous events that happened in our world of small boys, when Turtle was about four and Scooby and Ace were two and a half. The events are true; the narrative severely embellished. I thought they were long lost on a dead hard drive somewhere, but my mother (an extremely useful person to know) had kept them safe and sent them to me recently. Here's the first one - enjoy!

Indiana Joel

and the Swirling Vortex of Terror
a true story (unfortunately)


9th January 2006

The time was somewhere in the evening and once again my comrades and I had been captured and incarcerated in The Chamber of Slumber. As before, we attempted to escape down the halls of darkness but as always, our plans were thwarted by The Giant who lives in the magical TV room.

Tonight, however, I decided that the only thing for it was to try other escape routes. Not through the camp's main entrance - our previous bids for freedom that way have only ever resulted in cold and sore feet as the terrain is extremely painful and each night our captors make sure they steal our shoes in order to prevent us from trying again. No, this time, I discovered a new entrance, into the cavern of Dah Dees Rhume.

Having ensured that the way was clear, I encouraged my partners to follow me and we searched for means of escape. High above my head, I spied a window but my attempts to reach it were futile. Suddenly I was hit by a stroke of genius. In the corner of the room was a porcelain white fountain. Was it possible that if I could flood the room with water, we could then stand on the bed, which would float higher and higher until we were finally level with the narrow ledge? It might just work.

Precariously I climbed up, across cabinets and side tables, until I could reach the faucets and then using my superhuman strength, I turned them both onto full power. To increase the volume in the sink, I began to throw in anything else that may disperse water; hand soap, face wash, a tube of toothpaste. The plan was working and as Isaac climbed up to safety on the bed, the water swirled round and round and eventually reached the top of the sink, and began to flood over the sides.

However, I had not banked on the ineptitude of my other comrade, Daniel, who, in his eagerness to view my mastery at work, had placed himself directly underneath the fountain and was now deluged by the waterfall pouring over his head. I feared his shouts and screams would give us away so I tried to reach him but as the floor was now sodden I did not want to get down from my position of safety above. I watched in delight as the water began to seep under the bed and reached the other side of the room. Soon the bed would begin to rise and my plan would be complete.

But then, to my dismay, I heard the front door open and I waited with baited breath to see whether it was friend or foe who would discover our plan. Alerted by Daniel's screams, I heard the figure discover our absence from our cell and it began to approach Dah Dees Rhume. The door opened to reveal the worst of all creatures.... The Mummy!

Needless to say, the taps were soon shut off and I had to quickly think of a plan to save myself from certain doom. So, with my most convincing expression of shock and disbelief and a voice full of innocence, I turned to look at the room, as if seeing it for the first time and said.... "Ohh No!!"

Unfortunately my excellent theatrical skills were not enough to save us all from the punishment that ensued and we were soon returned to The Chamber of Slumber while The Giant and The Mummy spent a good deal of time coming and going into the Rhume with towels and misshapen wet objects.


I shall have to continue with my plans another day...

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